The Story of Delilah

Steven: “Hi, I’m Steven. What’s your name?”
Delilah: “Delilah.”

Steven: “Nice to meet you, Delilah. We’re in Syracuse, right?”
Delilah: “Yeah, downtown. I live in Skunk City, but I like it here. We formed a community here, even if we’re all poor.”

Steven: “That’s great to hear! A lot of homeless people have told me that having someone simply to talk to has helped a lot and I’m glad you have a community here. Everyone here seems to nice…how long have you been homeless?”
Delilah: “Off and on for 13 years. I was doing okay for a while like I was normal I guess with a job and an apartment.”

Steven: “What happened, if you’re comfortable sharing?”
Delilah: “I was a paramedic with almost ten years of experience, but it’s not like what people think the job is like. The stuff you see just stays with you. You can’t forget it really. It doesn’t leave you. There was this one call, a kid, only six, hit by a car. We couldn’t save him, and after that, I started having nightmares, flashbacks. I couldn’t focus or sleep and eventually, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I tried to keep working, but it got too hard. I left the job, and I guess the PTSD is still around so it’s very hard for me to get a job in my field right now.”

Steven: “I’m so sorry. That sounds incredibly difficult being a paramedic. I remember watching videos like the day in a life of paramedic and one of the paramedic said something about needing to desensitize himself for the job, and speaking with, I see why.”
Delilah: “Yeah, it is a really hard job. I always thought I was tough like I could handle anything, but there’s a limit to what you can endure before it breaks you. Everyone see the paramedic as someone who just comes and pick up people who are in emergency situation, but they don’t consider what’s going through their mind when they pick the victims up because usually we don’t speak about our emotions.”

Steven: “Yeah, more people should understand how difficult it is and respect paramedics more…Did you have anyone helping you or maybe had a therapist?”
Delilah: “Not really. I mean, I used go to the VA clinic for therapy when I can, but it’s hard to stay consistent when you’re out here, and I’ve got trust issues from my experience as a paramedic because a lot of the victims were injured by people close to them so it makes it really hard to trust people. Out here, I want to trust the people but I don’t think I can fully trust anyone yet.”

Steven: “I’m so sorry to hear that, but hopefully with time you can start to heal yourself, but remember to not force yourself to do anything. I’m sure there are people out there willing to help… Is there something else that’s bothering you?”
Delilah: “Yes actually. Just the idea that I used to save lives and now well, I need someone to come and save me. It’s been really hard living like this, and sometimes I wish that people would help me like I help others. I think I deserve it, but the people who walk by don’t know that I’ve been a paramedic and I wish I could tell them, but I feel too embarrassed to because I left and that’s the reason why I’m here now.

Steven: “Don’t be so harsh on yourself Delilah. You’ve done an excellent job and everyone appreciates what you do. Being a paramedic is no easy job and just the respect I have for you is insane so don’t tell yourself those negative words. What do you do to cope?”
Delilah: “Thank you. I’ll try”

Steven: “That’s awesome and keep being in the mindset of loving yourself… what do you do throughout the day?”
Delilah: “I don’t actually do much. I just hang around and sleep. I don’t really know what to do. Like I wish I have a hobby or an interest but I really don’t.”

Steven: “Have you tried drawing? Many people have told me that drawing helped them and you can also share your art”
Delilah: “Maybe, but I’m my own worst critic as you know but I’m trying to change that. There’s a coffee shop near Armory Square where I used to hang out, and they have this little art wall. Maybe I should try sketching there and hopefully the owner can frame it. I think that would mean a lot.”

Steven: “Yes! That sounds like a fantastic idea. I can get you a sketchpad and pens after this. Is there anything that keeps you going?”
Delilah: “The little things. A good sunrise, a hot cup of coffee, a kind word from a stranger like you. Those moments remind me that the world isn’t all bad. And sometimes I think about going back to school. Maybe not as a paramedic, but something else in healthcare. I still want to help people, even if it’s in a different way.”

Steven: “I think it’s definetely possible, especially after seeing the type of person you are.”
Delilah: “Maybe. I’d have to start over completely, but I’ve done hard things before. The question is whether I can pull myself out of this hole first.”

Steven: “Of course you can! That’s the mindset to have… now if you had three wishes, what would they be?”
Delilah: “First, I’d wish for stability like a safe place to sleep, enough food to eat. Second, I’d wish for my PTSD and the anxiety to go away. And third is to help more people who are like me, dealing with mental illness and suffering without anyone there to help them

Steven: “Delilah, those are some great wishes and thank you for sharing your story. You’ve been through so much, and you never gave up. You got this.”
Delilah: “Thank you.”