The Story of DeShawn

Steven: “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Steven. What’s your name?”
DeShawn: “My name? It’s DeShawn.”

Steven: “Good to meet you, DeShawn. How long you been out here?”
DeShawn: “Been going around since I was about twenty-one so what it’s been like 12 years.”

Steven: “That’s a long time. What got you here, if you don’t mind me asking?”
DeShawn: “I had a construction job and I ended up getting injured. My back was torn out and I couldn’t work there anymore, but my boss gave me some help to go to the hospital and get it treated and I had surgery done and everything and the doctor prescribed me a bottle of painkillers, opioids, and I ended getting up…getting addicted. Just addicted.”

Steven: “And it all started because of your back pain?”
DeShawn: “Yeah. The pills run out and I went looking for anything to stop the pain. It got way too expensive so I ended going to the street because it’s cheaper, easier to find and also I’m not eligible for any drugs from my doctor.”

Steven: “Have you ever tried to get clean?”
DeShawn: “Plenty of times. I detoxed on some shelter floor once, and honestly I thought I was gonna die there. I had cold sweats, shaking, throwing up… it felt like my bones were trying to crawl outta my skin. I just couldn’t handle it anymore and also I know I still don’t have anywhere to go and my life was just terrible and I relied on drugs to help me…forget. Right now, I’m trying again, and I really think I can do it this time.”

Steven: “Of course, I believe in you! Do you have people around you? Family? Friends?”
DeShawn: “I had my family with me.. yeah. My mom, she tried to help. She really did, but she passed a few years back because of diabetes. I wasn’t clean when it happened and still not now. I still remember struggling to get money for her funeral and I had to go into debt just to do that. I don’t have any brother or father. Just me and my mom.”

Steven: “I’m sorry…that’s really hard to handle”
DeShawn: “Yeah and for friends it depends on what you mean by friends. Lotta dudes out here you nod at, maybe share a smoke with. You watch each other’s stuff when you can. But real friends aren’t a thing here. Those don’t exist really when you’re chasing a high more than you’re chasing your own life.”

Steven: “Wow… from my other interviews, I was told that it’s important to have people you can trust out here, but it seems like you have a different perspective, which is really interesting.”
DeShawn: “A lot of people around here are drug dealers and addicts and as an addict myself, I know and have seen stuff that have made me who I am.”

Steven: “Do you mind sharing some of the things you’ve experienced?”
DeShawn: “You ever seen someone OD right in front of you? I had a buddy of mine, his name was Big Derek and I still remember so clearly that we were laughing together and the next day, I went to our meet up spot and his dealer told me that he overdosed last night. There was no goodbyes and I’ve seen that more times than I can count. Not just to me but for so many people out here.”

Steven: “Dang…that’s really hard to even imagine…I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
DeShawn: “It’s just normal out here. You can’t get too close. People disappear. They get locked up, they get shot, they OD. Sometimes they just give up and leave, and you never hear about them again. You learn real fast: if you start depending on people too much, you’re gonna get hurt.”

Steven: “If there’s anything you want people to understand about what it’s like being out here, what would it be?”
DeShawn: “That we’re humans. Some of us might be addicts but the truth is, we are just broken people trying to fix ourselves with whatever we got left. And sometimes, you get tired. Not cause you’re weak but life just becomes really unfortunate, and nobody ever taught you how to get back up so treat everyone out here like a human.”

Steven: “That’s real. I appreciate you saying that.”
DeShawn: “It’s not easy talking about it. Lot easier pretending you don’t feel nothing.”

Steven: “I hear you. You’re not invisible, though. People should hear stories like yours.”
DeShawn: “Thank you”

Steven: “One last thing. If you have three wishes right now, what would they be?”
DeShawn: “I would wish for everyone in the world who are addicts to not be addicts anymore and after that happens, I don’t want no drug dealers so people won’t end up like me. That’s honestly all I wish for because I know what it’s like.”

Steven: “That’s what’s up. I respect that a lot and honestly, that would be my wish as well. It was great talking to you DeShawn, and next time we come back again, I know that you’ll be doing better and you’ll break free from your addiction. Thank you so much for having this interview with me, and I’m sure everyone will support you.”
DeShawn: “Thank you”